"A Wet Day, A Gloomy Heart"
Originally created on Tue, 040406
**Notes: Within the context, it was a rough day for me, especially with too much going on at work, commuting, new house, new environment, new schedule. It was quite frustrating, well, at least for me. But hey, don't worry, I'm still hanging on here, and feeling better than ever! :P**
Another day, wet Tuesday, as wet as my.. ahem.. heart. It’s been raining again all the time since last night. Not that I am observing or have no place to shelter from the rain, it's so heart tiring, to hear the sound of the rain pounding on the roof all the time, to feel the breeze of the wind sneaking in thru some cracks on the windows, to have my mind wandering here and there, nowhere really, and it just feels empty.
What have I done with my life? Have I made a wrong decision, unfortunately one that has put me where I am right now? I mean, really. Why does life seem so wrong all the time? It’s like I never have a quiet time, a time just to breathe and enjoy the life for whatever it is.
Why does it feel so hard? It’s like new problems coming up everyday. While the old ones have been just put aside for a while with no solution, the new ones keep coming and eating my sanity. I can literally lose my sanity dealing with these new dramas and chronicle of lies that I have to deal with every day. I really, really am tired of it.
Nice train by the way, the new shiny one that they usually use for the baby bullet. Very quiet, smooth, I could use some sleep on it.
As I’m looking thru the window, the scene keeps changing and new pictures coming up every second but, they're all the same pictures from yesterday, or the other day, or last week, or last month, or maybe last year. I feel like I’m trapped in this pseudo change, feeling like everything changes but really, it just keeps repeating a cycle all over again.
God, why does it feel so painful to hear the sound of the train cars' joints clanging with each other? Why does it feel so empty to hear the sound of the rail rubbing the steel wheels of the train? And why does it feel so lonely while there is plenty people around me? Am I really losing my sanity?
I don't know what to do, I really don't. I feel like just giving up and getting out of all these. But I don't know how, and I’m afraid I don't even have the capability to do so. I feel like am descending into something, something lower and deep but I don't know what. I feel like I’ve been down too far to even have the courage to get up some. Not only I’m losing my sanity, I feel like losing my health, my everything..
Help, I have done it again.
**Notes: Within the context, it was a rough day for me, especially with too much going on at work, commuting, new house, new environment, new schedule. It was quite frustrating, well, at least for me. But hey, don't worry, I'm still hanging on here, and feeling better than ever! :P**
Another day, wet Tuesday, as wet as my.. ahem.. heart. It’s been raining again all the time since last night. Not that I am observing or have no place to shelter from the rain, it's so heart tiring, to hear the sound of the rain pounding on the roof all the time, to feel the breeze of the wind sneaking in thru some cracks on the windows, to have my mind wandering here and there, nowhere really, and it just feels empty.
What have I done with my life? Have I made a wrong decision, unfortunately one that has put me where I am right now? I mean, really. Why does life seem so wrong all the time? It’s like I never have a quiet time, a time just to breathe and enjoy the life for whatever it is.
Why does it feel so hard? It’s like new problems coming up everyday. While the old ones have been just put aside for a while with no solution, the new ones keep coming and eating my sanity. I can literally lose my sanity dealing with these new dramas and chronicle of lies that I have to deal with every day. I really, really am tired of it.
Nice train by the way, the new shiny one that they usually use for the baby bullet. Very quiet, smooth, I could use some sleep on it.
As I’m looking thru the window, the scene keeps changing and new pictures coming up every second but, they're all the same pictures from yesterday, or the other day, or last week, or last month, or maybe last year. I feel like I’m trapped in this pseudo change, feeling like everything changes but really, it just keeps repeating a cycle all over again.
God, why does it feel so painful to hear the sound of the train cars' joints clanging with each other? Why does it feel so empty to hear the sound of the rail rubbing the steel wheels of the train? And why does it feel so lonely while there is plenty people around me? Am I really losing my sanity?
I don't know what to do, I really don't. I feel like just giving up and getting out of all these. But I don't know how, and I’m afraid I don't even have the capability to do so. I feel like am descending into something, something lower and deep but I don't know what. I feel like I’ve been down too far to even have the courage to get up some. Not only I’m losing my sanity, I feel like losing my health, my everything..
Help, I have done it again.
Labels: Jurnal
OMG I used the OMG like you...OMG...OMG....
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Anonymous |
3:08 PM